A Life That Brings Life...

There are moments in our lives when we experience the gravity of what love does to us. Whether its your first crush, your first apartment, your first car (still working on dat...:P) but when you share that first love with some one or something special in your life, it is life changing. The impact is powerful. Its' hard to describe what it feels like but trust me it becomes embedded in the memory banks. Especially when life brings you those moments that remind you of that first time. In my experience, it becomes almost life changing all over again. Again, hard to explain, but I'll try.

(Bare with me, it may take awhile...but we'll get there....:))

One of the first times I remember ever falling in love was when I was 5 years old. I can't describe the feeling but I would say that it wasn't because of what I felt, it was because of what I did. My sister was about 3 months old. She was in the crib; my mom was somewhere in the apartment doing something. I was staring at my sis, reaching into the crib trying to get her to grab my hand. She wouldn't. She was knocked out. I wanted to kiss her but I couldn't get to her, so I did the next best thing, I climbed the railing of the bed to get to the edge and reach her forehead. Still fell short. So, I tugged on the blanket she was sprawled out on, pulled her closer to the railing. I climbed back up on it, gave her a kiss. I got back down but I guess that still wasn't enough. :/ Now, I'm fustrated. I wanted more. So, I took it upon myself to take my sis out of the crib. Success! How I did it? I'd be lying if I knew how but I did. I know I did because then reality set in after I had my sis in my arms.. "OH SHIT!!! MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME!!!!!!" (Yo le tenia un miedo a mi mama..:P) Panic sets in and immediately I tried to find a place to hide. I tried to find a spot in the bedroom but no luck. I'd go to my room. Too obvious. Then pacing thru the hallway with my sis in arm, I decided to go to the world's worst hiding place, behind the couches. (I don't have a layout description but trust me, it wasn't that good.) I plopped myself down on the floor with my sis in arms, half scared and half proud of my mission, All I did was sit behind that couch and hold her. Time passed, my mom swore it was like an hour but I'm sure that was exaggerated. I don't remember exactly how long but I do remember holding her. My mom screaming out the top of her lungs but I guess I didn't hear her. Maybe it was fear? Maybe it was defiance? But it didn't matter, I had my baby sis with me. I'm not letting her go.

2 months ago, I was in the thick of my funk. I was heart borken. Heartbreak is a horrible experince. I always imagine it to be what Superman would feel like everytime he was confronted with Kryptonite. Powerless. (I mean, He's fucking Superman! What do you mean he can't stop fucking bullets?! Coño!!!) Heartbreak is debilitating. leaves you vulnerable. But in a sense, vulenrability is good. (See my other blog "I Surrender..."...self-plug! :)) But at this point in time, I was defeated, Superman on Kryptonite. I hear my phone ring. Its' my sis. We start off with "catch-up" and "what's new" type of conversation. Then my sis asks, "How are you doing? If you know me, this question is not a good one to ask.  I don't give the whole "I'm fine. <Insert fake smile> How are you?" all the time. I go in. Nothing held back. This is the question where da "REAL" comes out and if your not ready for it, preparate loco! . So, I start unloading. I think it took about 10 minutes of unloading. Kinda short for me...but give or take. Then my sis says "Well, prepare to be happy....."

"Are you Ok?".......I was speechless. I couldn't talk. The streams started to run down my face uncontrolably. I was trying to get the words in but they wouldn't come out. All I could get out were gasps. But finally something came out...."Oh my God Aileen....". More crying. My sis then says "Thats a good thing right?" More crying on my part. Now I start to sound like "the bumbling fool that was trying to explain the thing he didn't do but he actually did so he's going to stumble on all the words his brain is trying to push out of his mouth because they are all bullshit!" And finally, when that stopped, my mind went to the back of that couch. It almost felt real. I was back holding her. But this time, it was my sis's baby.

None of my heart break mattered that day. I went through mnd trips of memroies from that moment on. My little sis as a baby, my twin bro and sis as babies. My son as a baby. It made me feel alive. An awakening so to speak. as if to say: "I am sad, I am mad....but I live." This news gave me "life" while I was in pain. I continued to cry. But that good cry, you know? La lagrimas de uno desahogandose. It came out with nothing to stop it. After collecting myself, I basked in it. Talked to my sis some more but honestly I don't remember any of the conversation after that. It felt as if I was behind that counch again. Just taking it in....So beautiful.

My sis as a mom. I couldn't believe it. I knew it was bound to happen but I guess this is the way it was supposed to.happen. Perfect, because in talking to her....she sounded happy. She is going to be an incredible mom.  It makes sense to those who know her. And I know my sis. I know her character, her personality, her drive, her passion, her strengths, her weaknesses....I know her. And I can tell you, my niece (YES!!!!!!! NIECE!!!!!! :) or nephew...:p) is going to be an amazing child. I know it because my sister is that. Simply amazing...through and through. We have fought many battles together, gone through hell together, cried, laugh, drank...(ahem....no more right Aileen?) ...been though a lot. And here she is....still standing. And now standindg proud and tall.... a soon to be mom.

I love you baby sis! I will try to be the best uncle I can be! Congratualtions!

BTW, Alejandro is asking if the baby can get here already. He wants to meet her! (YES, I SAID HER DAMN IT!!!!!!!!) :)