Real Love and Real Hip-Hop

I am passionate about music, all types. Music is part of my life and it will always be. Lately though I have had a troubled relationship with one of my favorite types of music. And just like any relationship worth fighting for, I try….I try my hardest to be open-minded and give it a fighting chance. But it seems that no matter how hard I try, it keeps doing me wrong! UGH! What am I to do? <sniffle>. I mean, I love hip-hop. I love her so much. But I keep wondering if she loves me back.
Ice-T released his new hip-hop documentary “Something from Nothing: The Art of Rap”. Ice-T, considered one of the icons in hip-hop sent out some love! This brought back some nostalgia for me, remembering the days of “way-back-when”. When hip-hop was at its’ purest form. Fresh, brand new. I miss those days. The raw energy of what it delivered. The birth of a culture, a movement that will forever live in us. I grew up only a bridge and a couple of blocks away from the birth place of hip-hop. And even now when I go visit, it all comes rushing back. The feeling and the excitement I get. The urge to do what Kool Herc did; break out the speakers and the turntables right in the middle of the hood and start rockin’! People coming out to the sounds, dancing, vibing….feelin’! This is how hip-hop loved me and I loved her back! Such a good relationship!

Nowadays, I look for her anywhere I can, but its’ hard to find her. I mean, I look at today’s hip-hop artists and honestly, I don’t feel it. This is not the hip-hop I grew to love. I appreciate the effort but…I’m just not that into you. And frankly, Its’ you, not me! So, here’s the scoop:

Hip-Hop, let’s get reacquainted. Let’s go back to where we started! Like any good relationship worth fighting for, sometimes you have to go back to its roots. You have to go back to where it started to revisit what made us fall in love. What made us appreciate everything that contributed in the union of our sacred bond. The essence, the core….Real Love, Real Hip-Hop.

Below is a list of  movies/documentaries that I think are essential to bring the love back. Consider it the syllabus, the foundation of the journey to re-educate hip-hop of today.  Reference points that will help rebuild that love that once was. So that it can regain its identity and find love again! Hip-hop of today should take note that in order to call yourself “hip-hop”, you HAVE to remember where you come from. If you don’t, you are lost. But its’ all good, I’m going to help you! I’m going to help you find your way back to me because regardless…I still love you. Always have, always will. But we have to do some soul-searching. So….

 “What we gonna do right here is go back! WAY BACK! Back into time………”

Wild Style - THE one that put hip-hop on the map. Hip-hop 101. Actually, a little ahead of its time because in my opinion, the masses weren’t ready for it. You know, it was something new, something different. Equivalent to that new relationship and the feeling of those butterflies in the stomach when you see that someone special. Straight up: If you haven’t seen it, don’t talk to me about hip-hop. You don’t know any better!

Style Wars - Some of the friends I grew up who were graffiti writers put me up on this. It’s funny, every time I see this I swear I can smell Krylon, Pilot Markers and Subway tunnels. (Trust me, they have a smell!) This one blended the artistry of hip-hop well together. B-Boying, Graff, Music. This is equivalent to wanting to hold her and kiss her all the time! I have to see her!

Beat Street - The relationship is growing. I can see it, I can feel it. The connections are happening and Beat Street showed me. The love is real! It was the first “hip-hop” movie I had ever seen on the big screen! I feel the love! Had me hating “Spit” and screaming “Ramo” with Melle Mel and Bambatta! RAMO!!!!!!! Que amor!

Breakin’ - Like any good relationship, you have your ups and your downs. Some might disagree with me but I believe this was one of those hard times. BUT…there is value in looking at this and saying to yourself, “What did I learn?” “What good came out of going thru this?” Thank you Turbo and Ozone! Thank you for saving this relationship! Still a foundation to the growing love!

Krush Groove - Hard times again. Russell tried to show us what he had to go thru to make it big….keyword tried. I ain’t mad tho. Sheila E. for 90 minutes? I’m in. Plus, it did give us Force MD’s Tender Love. Finding real love is real hard, but we found it here. Way before Ree-Ree.

Rhyme & Reason - The middle of the relationship, with all its’ bumps and bruises sometimes finds its flow again. The mid 90’s in hip-hop (in my opinion) represented “scratching the 7 year itch” theory of relationships. I fell for her hard all over again!!! Hip-hop was good, really good! Just like make-up sex! This documentary came at the right time. Watch it!

The Freshest Kids - Homage. Brilliant. Heartfelt. Passionate. Incredible. Just buy it. Trust me. This is the picture that you keep in your wallet to keep reminding you of what once was, and always will be. Hip-hop….you have been so good to me.

Beats Rhymes & Life: The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest
Reality is sometimes cruel to love. There are moments in time when relationships end and they are heartbreaking. You remember all the memories that you built along the way and then for some apparent reason, it crashes and burns. Then you ask yourself “What happened?””Why?! Why are we going thru this? I thought you loved me!!!” Loss is hard. Knowing what you once had and see it go thru this is hard. I love Tribe. They represented hip-hop to the fullest. From the street to the heart. Abstract, original. But this reality hits hard and its’ hard to see them go thru this! It hits hard because there is REAL love! You know there is. Dayum! Why? WHY?!

I hope this makes sense hip-hop. All the above represent those elements in our relationship that make us strong. I believe we still have it but I'm not to sure you do. I hope this trip down memory lane helps you understand that this is important to me, as it should you as well. It means how long we will strive and last. Hip-hop, listen to me:

When will we find love again Hip-hop? Will it be tomorrow? Next week? Next year? I’m gonna keep it real with you Hip-Hop, I hate thinking about going thru the rest of my life without you. I know I have to be strong and know that there is a possibility you might not come back. But like real love….I have hope and faith. I have enough love in me for the both of us, even if you don’t. The people that represent you right now don’t know what you and I have been thru. They have no idea what we are all about. But I don’t blame them because they don’t know any better. Ignorance is their bliss but not my reality. Not our reality.

I love you hip-hop. Please....love me back!

I know, I know..... its’ hard to find the words So, I’ll try to say them the best way WE can both understand.

Real Love, Real Hip-Hop!!!!

My Most Intimate Relationship

I can talk about relationships all day. The ability to share, listen, enjoy, debate.....it is intriguing to me. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships but just relationships amongst people; family, friends and the bond that they share. I have come to realize the gravity relationships have on people in their lives and how much of an intense interest I have in discussing them. Maybe it is because I'm so far from those that I love? Maybe it is because I am paying much more attention to the relationships around me? But even then, most of the recent conversations revolve around how to grow and build on them. Also to figure out what works and what does not. It has been a critical part in my work these past 10 years; to learn, grow and build relationships with young people. I've learned that it is essential, not only for work but in life; to learn about the relationships you keep and hold. It also helps to understand how many different types there are. For example in my life, I have many but each one is treated and handled in different ways. For instance, how I treat my relationship with a young person as a mentor is different than the one that I have with my friends; so on and so forth. Basically, this is all extremely interesting and fascinating to me.

Lately, I have been in "relationship discussion" over load. Don't get me wrong its' not a bad thing but I have been surrounded by many conversations and mind-numbing thought processes that have left me dizzy, literally. Most of these discussions have been insanely intense. Some discussions have been in dealing with difficult partners, some in dealing with feelings and opinions that contradict personal values. Others have been in trying to find ways of identifying these personal relationships and giving them labels, like "friend", "best friend", "best-best friend", (I never really got the idea of "best-best" :p). Tears have been shed, crude truths have been exposed and patience has been tested. All in all, these have lead to long hours on the phone or 2 drink minimums. But point is, the topic of relationships is a complex and sensitive one.

So naturally, when my co-workers and I collaborated with a local health center to provide the young men in our program with a workshop in building healthy relationships, I was all in! (For the kids of course.....really.....its' for the kids.) Now, granted I consider myself to be a "self-proclaimed" guru in the area of building healthy relationships (To my credit, I recently had a 3-hour conversation about conditional/unconditional love and I got a SADE BRING ME HOME LIVE DVD for my insight....WINNING!!!) but let's face it,  as amazing as I think I might be....I don't know everything. I need some work. Especially now that my recent romantic relationship took me off guard and put me in a hole. So, I need to pull out that old toolbox and start working on some stuff that needs some tightening and re-touching. So, workshop time!  Let's go to the basics.

(For all you aspiring MFT's, Social Work or Psych Majors, this is based on the CERTS model) Reference check!  http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/good-sex/the-certs-model-of-healthy-sex/

  

Aspects of A Healthy Relationship

1. Communication - Not to brag but I have said this countless times in many of my relationships (including self, friends and especially romantic) if you can't talk about it, its' all bad. Once communication breaks down between 2 people, the ability to understand each other goes out the window. I think that is why at times, silence scares me. :p I always have something to say but it is mostly in part because I strongly believe that if we can talk to each other thru healthy conversation,  the relationship can become strong! So talk it up people! HABLEN COÑO!!!!
2. Equality - "What is good for the goose, is good for the gander." I believe in a well balanced relationship. Well, I am a Libra, So I do believe in balance of "all" but specifically relationships. I do get annoyed when specific gender roles are given in a relationship and people are held to them (Nuestra cultura haces esto demasiado!) Fair is fair. No one should be held to different expectations than the other person in a relationship. I've seen too many lop-sided relationships in my life, and most have ended badly. Those that haven't ended have lost the next point rather quickly!
3. Respect - The moment you lose respect for the person in your relationship, all other aspects crumble.  Learning to value a persons' opinion, ideas, feelings and not force your own is a sign of respect. As 2 individuals in a relationship there are times you will not see eye to eye on issues. This is what makes us independent within relationships, but we still have to respect this ideal if we want the relationship to work. You can agree to disagree, but still respect each other to build a strong relationship.
4. Trust/Confidence - This is a tough one, especially to those who have been "burned" in the past by others. I was in a long distance relationship recently and I remember my girlfriend asking me "How do you know I am where I say I am or I am with who I say I am with?" I basically answered " I have to have faith and confidence in what you tell me. If I don't have that, then we don't have a relationship." This has always been a tough one for me because I have been burned many times. But I have learned that in order to rebuild trust, I have to have faith that the people I allow to be close to me won't violate it. Tough but true.
5. Secure/Safe - If you don't feel safe in a relationship, GET OUT! Plus, its bad for the sex. :p The people that you surround yourself with should always be aware of their safety as well as your own. If people truly care for you, they will be sure to do what they can to secure your safety. People who are self destructive sometimes aren't great at this. I mean really, what is good about a relationship in where the person next to you could care less if you are there or not?

While all of these go into way more depth, I keep these ideals close to me when ever I look into my relationships. I learned these aspects a long time ago during my first therapy session, and they stayed stuck in my head ever since. Its funny how they have come back at a time and place where I needed to be reminded of them. Life is funny that way. That is why I decided to write this blog. Because I needed to remind myself (and probably some of my readers) that one of the most intense and meaningful relationships you can ever have in your life is with yourself. Think about it, all the above have to apply to yourself first. I never saw it that way back in the day. But now....because of it, I have become 10 times stronger, 10 times more powerful.....and now 10 times more loving! That is why my most intimate relationship is with myself. Punto. :)

I mean, let's keep it real....

How could you ever be in a loving healthy relationship, if you don't love yourself first? :) 

Next up: Love and Sex!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

A Life That Brings Life...

There are moments in our lives when we experience the gravity of what love does to us. Whether its your first crush, your first apartment, your first car (still working on dat...:P) but when you share that first love with some one or something special in your life, it is life changing. The impact is powerful. Its' hard to describe what it feels like but trust me it becomes embedded in the memory banks. Especially when life brings you those moments that remind you of that first time. In my experience, it becomes almost life changing all over again. Again, hard to explain, but I'll try.

(Bare with me, it may take awhile...but we'll get there....:))

One of the first times I remember ever falling in love was when I was 5 years old. I can't describe the feeling but I would say that it wasn't because of what I felt, it was because of what I did. My sister was about 3 months old. She was in the crib; my mom was somewhere in the apartment doing something. I was staring at my sis, reaching into the crib trying to get her to grab my hand. She wouldn't. She was knocked out. I wanted to kiss her but I couldn't get to her, so I did the next best thing, I climbed the railing of the bed to get to the edge and reach her forehead. Still fell short. So, I tugged on the blanket she was sprawled out on, pulled her closer to the railing. I climbed back up on it, gave her a kiss. I got back down but I guess that still wasn't enough. :/ Now, I'm fustrated. I wanted more. So, I took it upon myself to take my sis out of the crib. Success! How I did it? I'd be lying if I knew how but I did. I know I did because then reality set in after I had my sis in my arms.. "OH SHIT!!! MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME!!!!!!" (Yo le tenia un miedo a mi mama..:P) Panic sets in and immediately I tried to find a place to hide. I tried to find a spot in the bedroom but no luck. I'd go to my room. Too obvious. Then pacing thru the hallway with my sis in arm, I decided to go to the world's worst hiding place, behind the couches. (I don't have a layout description but trust me, it wasn't that good.) I plopped myself down on the floor with my sis in arms, half scared and half proud of my mission, All I did was sit behind that couch and hold her. Time passed, my mom swore it was like an hour but I'm sure that was exaggerated. I don't remember exactly how long but I do remember holding her. My mom screaming out the top of her lungs but I guess I didn't hear her. Maybe it was fear? Maybe it was defiance? But it didn't matter, I had my baby sis with me. I'm not letting her go.

2 months ago, I was in the thick of my funk. I was heart borken. Heartbreak is a horrible experince. I always imagine it to be what Superman would feel like everytime he was confronted with Kryptonite. Powerless. (I mean, He's fucking Superman! What do you mean he can't stop fucking bullets?! Coño!!!) Heartbreak is debilitating. leaves you vulnerable. But in a sense, vulenrability is good. (See my other blog "I Surrender..."...self-plug! :)) But at this point in time, I was defeated, Superman on Kryptonite. I hear my phone ring. Its' my sis. We start off with "catch-up" and "what's new" type of conversation. Then my sis asks, "How are you doing? If you know me, this question is not a good one to ask.  I don't give the whole "I'm fine. <Insert fake smile> How are you?" all the time. I go in. Nothing held back. This is the question where da "REAL" comes out and if your not ready for it, preparate loco! . So, I start unloading. I think it took about 10 minutes of unloading. Kinda short for me...but give or take. Then my sis says "Well, prepare to be happy....."

"Are you Ok?".......I was speechless. I couldn't talk. The streams started to run down my face uncontrolably. I was trying to get the words in but they wouldn't come out. All I could get out were gasps. But finally something came out...."Oh my God Aileen....". More crying. My sis then says "Thats a good thing right?" More crying on my part. Now I start to sound like "the bumbling fool that was trying to explain the thing he didn't do but he actually did so he's going to stumble on all the words his brain is trying to push out of his mouth because they are all bullshit!" And finally, when that stopped, my mind went to the back of that couch. It almost felt real. I was back holding her. But this time, it was my sis's baby.

None of my heart break mattered that day. I went through mnd trips of memroies from that moment on. My little sis as a baby, my twin bro and sis as babies. My son as a baby. It made me feel alive. An awakening so to speak. as if to say: "I am sad, I am mad....but I live." This news gave me "life" while I was in pain. I continued to cry. But that good cry, you know? La lagrimas de uno desahogandose. It came out with nothing to stop it. After collecting myself, I basked in it. Talked to my sis some more but honestly I don't remember any of the conversation after that. It felt as if I was behind that counch again. Just taking it in....So beautiful.

My sis as a mom. I couldn't believe it. I knew it was bound to happen but I guess this is the way it was supposed to.happen. Perfect, because in talking to her....she sounded happy. She is going to be an incredible mom.  It makes sense to those who know her. And I know my sis. I know her character, her personality, her drive, her passion, her strengths, her weaknesses....I know her. And I can tell you, my niece (YES!!!!!!! NIECE!!!!!! :) or nephew...:p) is going to be an amazing child. I know it because my sister is that. Simply amazing...through and through. We have fought many battles together, gone through hell together, cried, laugh, drank...(ahem....no more right Aileen?) ...been though a lot. And here she is....still standing. And now standindg proud and tall.... a soon to be mom.

I love you baby sis! I will try to be the best uncle I can be! Congratualtions!

BTW, Alejandro is asking if the baby can get here already. He wants to meet her! (YES, I SAID HER DAMN IT!!!!!!!!) :)