If you haven't, you must :)
It talks about human connection, behaviors and thoughts that are rarely spoken about - how we use them to make connections and learn more about fear, worthiness and my personal favorite.....love. She was doing research on shame and vulnerability which had her realize certain things in her own life. As often we do in our lives, when we experience these epiphanies as she has, it can change our view of the world and how we handle it going forward.
First off, let me just say that growing up in my household, their existed a realm of things you just don't talk about. I especially encountered this when I would try to ask my parents about things like sex, their personal history or on-going family drama. It was almost a sin to discuss and when I often asked questions, the only comment that followed was "never question your mother and father". Ugh, I hated that. Especially being the person that I am. Always asking questions, always trying to get to the root of things. Plus, I wear my emotions on my sleeves so....double ugh. Anyway, I connected to this video on such a personal level. It made so much sense, hit to my core because I have felt "vulnerable" and "fear" countless number of times in my life, including now. I have also watched my family and people I love struggle with the idea of embracing fear and vulnerability. They struggle hard with it and have such a hard time saying they are sorry. It pains me. I understand no one wants to deal with pain but....to sit with it and live in it?.....It hurts me to see/hear that. It leaves an unsettling feeling in my stomach.
The ability to feel is natural. Negating what we feel and ignoring our emotions are what I believe causes our pain. I know that in my last relationship, this was a common discussion. During my life time, I have learned to embraced what I felt but can understand how painful it can be not to. I just developed an ability to talk about it and work thru it because I know it helps to get out the pain. Some people just don't like talking about what they feel because it reminds them of pain. I guess that's why I am constantly "talking" about how I feel, what we feel and blah blah blah. :) Even thought the world doesn't revolve around our emotions, it does make a world of difference on how we see it. Even if it is too painful, I talk thru it. I always encourage my loved ones to. I just know its hard to put ourselves in that realm of being vulnerable. It subjects us to so much if we have had it rough or haven't dealt with our issues, our pain...but then again, what doesn't subject us to pain in this world? We can't guarantee that we won't be hurt.
At times, I feel as if I am constantly looking for a guarantee and the need to "predict and control", so am I truly living within the path of whole heartiness? At times, I believe I do let that control go, I believe that's why I am out here in Cali. I felt I took risks and chances because I know that within the journey, I would open myself to joy and possibly happiness. But now I understand that there is no guarantee just because I do, There is so much that I've learned because of the journey of embracing the risks. Whether it be a new job, a new home or even a relationship, entering whole-hearted without fear has its advantages.
I'm still learning as I go and that's the beauty of it. I have many friends who say the most amazing things about me; who encourage me, love me and continuously praise my efforts. They tell me constantly, and honestly I am humbled every time I hear it. Making me feel vulnerable. After their praises, what sets in is probably what my biggest struggle is right now.....fear. There is a lot that I fear, but then again those of us who have grown up in trauma do; constantly. I just have to keep reminding myself to embrace the fear, embrace being vulnerable and understand that guarantees can only happen at Best Buy or car dealerships (and even those aren't 100% secure :)). Its' hard....God knows its hard. But I'm going to continue to try. I have done it. A lot. And I will continue to do it...
Fear...I Surrender...
Now off to see "Brave"!!!
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